The conversation you must have before you get married

Getting married is an exciting time. When you’re caught up in the excitement of planning a wedding, it can be difficult to remember to make sure that, not only are you ready for marriage, but that your relationship is also ready.

Most articles like this focus on a list of specific issues for discussion that tend to be very narrowly focused - such as:

  • Do you want to have kids?
  • How important is sex in your relationship?
  • How much do you want to work?
  • Do you want to travel?
  • Where do you want to live?

And so on. Those are all important issues to talk about, but relationships are so much more than whether you’re strictly compatible and whether you have the same hobbies or want to live in the same place. Instead, couples should have one very important discussion:

What is your shared vision for your future?

This question encompasses many of the traditional questions recommended to couples but, importantly, it puts those questions into the context of a shared plan and understanding of your future.

You don’t have to create a detailed map of your future for the next 40 years, but you should have an understanding of key checkpoints in your life. Your shared vision doesn’t have to be specific or measurable but you should both be able to articulate how you envisage your future.

Having a shared vision not only ensures that you are on the same page before you get married but it also provides a useful tool to check back in with each other regularly throughout your marriage to ensure that your individual visions for the future are remaining aligned. A shared vision allows you to more easily resolve and move past conflicts because you have a common purpose and future to work towards.

Similarly, you can create additional shared visions such as for how you want to raise your kids, whether and how much you want to travel or how you want to manage your finances.

Pre-marital counselling, and in particular solution-focused therapy, can provide a great environment to identify and explore your shared vision together. Counsellors can help guide you to your ideal future and help you to crystallise and articulate your shared vision.

Book your pre-martial counselling with us now.

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