If I told you to turn on your GPS and just drive to find where I am, what would happen? The GPS wouldn’t do anything useful and you could be driving for hours and go nowhere.
For the GPS to work and for you to get somewhere, you need a destination.
By ‘start off how you wish to finish’, I mean that as a couple, we need to have a shared vision of our destination. Knowing how we want the relationship to be in the long run helps to decide how it needs to be now in order to get there.
One definition of ‘vision’ is ‘an ability to think about or plan the future with imagination or wisdom’.
An old proverb says:
A vision without a plan is just a dream
A plan without a vision is just drudgery
But a vision with a plan can change the world
Isn’t is mind blowing that many couples spend much more time, energy and money planning their wedding day than they do on planning their marriage? If we don’t plan the destination or have a vision for our marriage, then we live our lives from one crisis to another.
Take back control and develop a clear vision of your future in terms of goals and aspirations you have for your life and your relationship. Then start now to put good habits and practices in place and you will live your life with intention and by your design. When you have a clear vision you will see the early signs if your marriage is in trouble and correct the issues before the worst happens.
If you have children, what vision do you have for them? Do you want them to be kind and respectful to others as young people? Do you want them to respect and love to hang out with you in their teenage years? If so, you need to start now to teach and model the behaviour you want them to exhibit as young adults. If you wait until they become adults their characteristics will be set until they choose to change themselves. You do them a disservice by not correcting them when they are little: it is much harder to change ingrained behaviour as an adult, than it is to start while they are little.
It might be helpful to create a written vision together for your relationship.
- in the present tense
- in positive terms of what you want as opposed to what you don’t want
- be specific and
- use ‘We’ statements
Here’s an example:
Our vision is:
- to make our world a more loving place through continued loving courtship
- we go out one night a week without the children and enjoy a romantic dinner
- we resolve arguments by communicating clearly and with a calm tone
So create your relationship vision, start now to make it a reality, and change the world.
If you need help creating your shared vision, contact Sue on 0439 294 532 to book your free consultation.
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