Losing interest in your partner

If you buy a new car – say a Blue Mazda 3 – soon afterward it will seem like every other car on the road is either blue or a Mazda 3.

This happens because you gave it your attention. You put time, money and energy into buying a specific car, and gave it your interest, passion and affection. This meant that over the coming weeks you noticed all the other blue Mazda 3s. They had been there all along, but a change to your attention made them ‘pop out’. Over time this effect becomes less noticeable.

How is it that in a relationship we can lose interest in our partner, even if we love them?

Life gets in the way, and we can become complacent and forget to intentionally invest in our partner. At times, our feelings are more about what our partner can do for us than what we can do for our partner. We lose sight of the person they are and become bored with the same old comfortable patterns of living.

Maybe it has nothing to do with our partner but everything to do with us. We may need to deal with our own ‘stuff’ first then take a look at where our relationship fits in with our lives.

When we place our interest, passion and affection in other things, this will influence how we interact with our partner. When they sense our lack of attention, this will affect how they, in turn, treat us.

Common ways we can lose interest:

  1. Becoming interested in other things – work, hobbies or non-mutual friends, kids – to the exclusion of enjoying time with our partner. All these things are good in themselves, but dangerous when they push us apart.

  2. Drifting apart in our values and goals in life. This usually happens due to a lack of conversations in which we share our dreams and discuss what is important to us.

  3. Allowing small irritations to fester, rather than talking them out and resolving them so that we can move forward. As we lose interest, we fail to invest the time to work out our issues together.

If you feel your interest in your relationship has waned, all is not lost. All that is required is attention and intention. Have an honest conversation so that both partners are intentional about how they want their relationship to be and will take the necessary steps to get there. Spend your time, energy, interest: this will reignite the passion and affection in your relationship and love will grow.

We challenge you to go home tonight, cuddle up on the couch and share the story of how you met. Talk about when you became aware of falling in love. What first attracted you to each other? What things about each other do you love the most and what dreams do you have for your future together?

If you need help figuring out where your relationship has gone wrong, call Sue on 0439 294 532 for your free 15 minute consultation.

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