This is the second in our series on managing and controlling emotions - if you missed Part 1, check it out now.
Controlling feelings and emotions involves asking yourself “Is what I’m feeling helpful or harmful to myself or my relationship?” When you can, with intention, control how you react to any given situation, then you can stop your life from feeling like a ball in a pinball machine that is thrown from crisis to crisis.
When you take control of your own emotions, you live ‘above the line’, where you have ownership, are accountable and responsible for your emotions and how you react in any given situation.
Living ‘below the line’ is giving your ‘sense of self’ power away as you blame everyone else for the way you are, excuse your behaviour as someone else’s fault and deny that you have any control.
In terms of your relationship with your partner, you are the only person who is accountable for your emotions. It is not your partner’s job to make you happy or sad. It’s not their role to calm your anxieties. If this is what you expect from your partner, then s/he will never be able to fulfil your needs. You are likely to spend the rest of your life together being angry and frustrated and blaming your partner for something that is really up to you to control.
The more you demand things they are not able to give, the more you risk them withdrawing from you, beginning the slippery slope toward the breakdown of your relationship. The ability to take responsibility for your own emotions, on the other hand, is a foundation on which a strong relationship can grow and flourish.
Recognising that you have control and accountability allows you to step back from your emotions and ask:
- what have I done that has caused me to feel like this?
- what can I do to change how I'm feeling right now?
- am I letting my emotions harm other people?
You are then in a position to take positive steps to change your situation and improve your emotions.
If you want to learn how you can take control of your emotions and improve your relationship, call Sue today on 0439 294 532.
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